In My Life, I Love You More

 

We have textual chemistry, you and I. No matter that we are sort of bits of so much tangled red string right now, we still have this connection that only we can have. Words are the currency of our love. Yes, I used the present tense there, because it’s the truth and no amount of dancing around the issue will change that.  We used to talk without filters, but for the past few weeks we have been carefully handling each other, not wanting to give the wrong impression or get hopes up, or whatever it is we think we are doing.

All the tip toeing in the world isn’t going to conceal how we still feel. How I know you still feel, but won’t say. You guard your heart, you’re cautious with your words, yet everything still bleeds through… like yesterday… you typed song lyrics to me. You only do that when you want to say something, without saying it. Words are the currency of our hearts but music is the currency of our souls. You and I used to talk in lyrical verse to each other all the time. We used music when words weren’t enough.

I stared at the text message:

Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends I can still recall

Some are dead and some are living

In my life I loved them all.

Tears in my eyes, I texted back:

But of all these friends and lovers

There is no one compares with you

You can try and blow it off as just a random tune, but I know better, and you know that I know. Of course you can’t have known that I wept at my desk for twenty minutes after typing that; and not just because of us; but because my Dad used to sing that to my Mom all the time, terribly mind you, but he still serenaded her. They slow danced in the living room, he held her hand close to his heart and they glided across the soft blue area rug while the record needle threaded out the sounds of the Beatles' In My Life. You can’t have known I would sit in quiet silence on the staircase in the dark watching them so in love with each other, imagining I would someday find someone who made me feel loved like that, someone who I could love like that.

So, my love, you can pretend all you want, you can hide behind the lyrics, but your song selection betrays you, and I feel the same, and I always will -   “in my life, I love you more”.