Author bios are such strange creatures. How do you possibly sum up who you are in a paragraph? Can you actually reduce your life to just a handful of sentences to fit on the back of a book? And what do you say? I can’t tell the world that I have an irrational fear of escalators(although I am in recovery now), or that I can’t even look at walnuts without feeling sick, or that my high school self wiped out on a rain soaked golf course full of college guys while I was wearing white shorts. Nor can I admit that I harbor a secret love of men with beards who have a penchant for useless knowledge and love women who are far too wordy for their own good.
But in one of these babbly bios, I can disclose all that and so much more! In my attempt not to bore you with golden memories from my past school experiences or my first job (cashier at Tops Friendly Markets), I’m going to answer some questions which I totally stole from the Sex & Love page on Glamour.com. Thanks Glamour! Here goes!
1. What animal, besides humans, do you think would make the best world leaders?
I could tell you a koala bear because they are cuddly looking, but being cuddly does not a world leader make. My favorite, serious animal would be the warthog. They look mean and imposing, enough to stand up to the world’s ne’er do wells, but with a silly enough name to be completely disarming when necessary. Hey, don’t blame me for my strange taste in would be animal leaders, my father used to read Richard Scarry’s Best Storybook Ever to me and I always laughed uproariously at the warthog.
I could tell you a koala bear because they are cuddly looking, but being cuddly does not a world leader make. My favorite, serious animal would be the warthog. They look mean and imposing, enough to stand up to the world’s ne’er do wells, but with a silly enough name to be completely disarming when necessary. Hey, don’t blame me for my strange taste in would be animal leaders, my father used to read Richard Scarry’s Best Storybook Ever to me and I always laughed uproariously at the warthog.
2. If you could take a pill that made you never have a negative thought again, would you?
Probably. Sometimes my Vitamin B supplement makes me feel that way for a while.
Probably. Sometimes my Vitamin B supplement makes me feel that way for a while.
3. What’s your earliest memory of feeling wonder?
When I was young and our family friend, a library director, gifted us with a set of signed Toad and Frog books by Arnold Lobel. It is when I discovered that words could weave magic but also that authors had great value.
When I was young and our family friend, a library director, gifted us with a set of signed Toad and Frog books by Arnold Lobel. It is when I discovered that words could weave magic but also that authors had great value.
4. What would make this restaurant/bar/bowling alley/ice cream parlor better? (Anything from different glasses to a mariachi band to fog machines is acceptable.)
Ok, this question makes it clear that this is a dating questionnaire. Since I am actually in a kitchen at table right now, I’ll say I wish I had one of those kick- a** re-done Kitchen-Aid mixers from Nicole at Un Amore and someone who feels that crepes are perfection.
Ok, this question makes it clear that this is a dating questionnaire. Since I am actually in a kitchen at table right now, I’ll say I wish I had one of those kick- a** re-done Kitchen-Aid mixers from Nicole at Un Amore and someone who feels that crepes are perfection.
5. Is there a band that you used to love and can’t stand now?
I am pretty much a diehard fan when it comes to music. Some songs now and then make me cringe. For example, I would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than ever have to hear “Careless Whisper” again. Sorry George Michael – it’s not you, it’s me. .
I am pretty much a diehard fan when it comes to music. Some songs now and then make me cringe. For example, I would rather listen to nails on a chalkboard than ever have to hear “Careless Whisper” again. Sorry George Michael – it’s not you, it’s me. .
6. What’s your biggest food–related triumph? (i.e. learned to make a souffle, ate a ten lb cheeseburger)
I love to cook! I find it incredibly relaxing! I have binders full of recipes. They are like scrapbooks of edible memories. I am looking forward to finding just the perfect breakfast recipe for Christmas morning to make a new memory with.
I love to cook! I find it incredibly relaxing! I have binders full of recipes. They are like scrapbooks of edible memories. I am looking forward to finding just the perfect breakfast recipe for Christmas morning to make a new memory with.
7. Do you think if you could get paid just to be yourself it would change the way you act? How?
One of the best things about writing books and crafting stories, is that you are paid to be yourself. You get to weave a bit of your own truth into your books and use your imagination just the way you see fit.
One of the best things about writing books and crafting stories, is that you are paid to be yourself. You get to weave a bit of your own truth into your books and use your imagination just the way you see fit.
8. Describe the best night of your teenage life.
That time I got on the back of the motorcycle with my much older neighbor who I was crushing on... errr um, it was really that night before the SAT’s when I was studying all night, yep that’s it.
That time I got on the back of the motorcycle with my much older neighbor who I was crushing on... errr um, it was really that night before the SAT’s when I was studying all night, yep that’s it.
9. If you had a million dollars that you had to give to charitable causes, how would you spend it?
I would give it to Operation Smile, World Vision’s Micro Loan program, and Doctors without Borders.
I would give it to Operation Smile, World Vision’s Micro Loan program, and Doctors without Borders.
10. What’s your least favorite word?
Lonely. Oh wait one is the loneliest number is a song… I digress…
Lonely. Oh wait one is the loneliest number is a song… I digress…
11. If a close friend told you that they had been abducted by aliens last night, would you believe them?
No, I would inquire how much vodka and beer they had consumed the night before.
No, I would inquire how much vodka and beer they had consumed the night before.
12. What movies have made you cry, if any?
Ugh… a simpler answer would be which movie makes you cry over and over, and is the question I am answering. Every time I watch Little Women (the version with Winona Ryder and Claire Danes), I cry like a baby. The scene where Beth dies breaks my heart each and every time. So does the scene where Frederic proposes to Jo. I am such a sap. Perhaps that is why I like to write in the romance genre.
Ugh… a simpler answer would be which movie makes you cry over and over, and is the question I am answering. Every time I watch Little Women (the version with Winona Ryder and Claire Danes), I cry like a baby. The scene where Beth dies breaks my heart each and every time. So does the scene where Frederic proposes to Jo. I am such a sap. Perhaps that is why I like to write in the romance genre.
13. What was your biggest accomplishment before you turned 13?
Earning perfect grades in all of my classes. Yes, you heard it here first, I am a dyed in the wool nerd girl.
Earning perfect grades in all of my classes. Yes, you heard it here first, I am a dyed in the wool nerd girl.
14. You see on the news that there is an airborne virus that is turning people into zombies. What’s the very first thing you do?
Wonder if I am not watching an episode of the Walking Dead.
Wonder if I am not watching an episode of the Walking Dead.
15. Do you have any weird crushes on famous people that don’t make sense to you?
The guy in Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. No, not Sully, the other one – the saloon owner. I still truly have no idea why. Also, I had a brief fixation on Lars Ulrich, the drummer of Metallica. Again, not sure why.
The guy in Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. No, not Sully, the other one – the saloon owner. I still truly have no idea why. Also, I had a brief fixation on Lars Ulrich, the drummer of Metallica. Again, not sure why.
16. Do you believe in ghosts?
Not really. Sort of kind of. Talk to me about Halloween some time.
Not really. Sort of kind of. Talk to me about Halloween some time.
And there you go! If you’re looking for a more formal bio, here it is:
Anastasia Ryan is a former website designer turned author for Swoon Romance. Her first novel, HEARTBREAK RANCH was released October 15, 2013. She is currently working on her Master’s Degree in Creative Writing.
