What It Takes...

It took me:
seven months
72 sleepless nights
moving away
Trying to love someone else
74,730 words in an unread manuscript
301 replays of the same playlist
2 bottles of Essie Soul Mate nail polish
7 dozen Tim Horton’s vanilla dipped donuts
Mentally disabling myself
Being tied in knots
Hating you
Mourning you
Emotionally shutting myself down
Punishing my soul
Being consumed by fear
Burning Madame Bovary
Just so that I could figure out, that happiness is not caring if I will ever see you again. Finally after all this time I can let go...

I thought for the longest time that there wouldn't ever come a point where I could just walk away and seriously not care anymore but it has. It's interesting to think that when we love something so hard it will never lose its meaning, it didn't have to. The time spent and memories made will never lose its importance but I think I made you out to be something you weren't....good for me. Thank you for making me work so hard, and hurting me so very deeply because without that I wouldn't have the motivation to never put myself in that position again, and to never lose myself in someone else’s opinion of me.

Purgatory's Push and Pull

 

The Push and Pull

Of our Textual Tango

Leaves me

Breathless

And Broken

 

You flood

My soul

With so many words

One day

And the Next

Nothing

A Blank screen

Of Disappointment

 

On Your Terms

Those words

Float into my

Periphery

And I am again

Dismissed

Back to Purgatory

 

What penance will

Suffice

How long will You

Cage your consonants

And vowels

 

When will You unleash

The madness

In Your soul

And forgive me

And love me

Again